Slyfox

Introduction To Destruction or Why We Have No Ozone Layer

War, war never changes. The end of the world happened pretty much as we expected it to — big fires and death, gloom and radiation, etc. etc.

The world survived pretty much unscathed — except for that horrible radiation blanketing part, and that other nasty one where we had all our groundwater poisoned. Let’s face it — surfing at Hawaii was pretty much something of the past.

Luckily, before Apocalypse Now hit the fan, some people got to big underground vaults called Vaults. Someone in the government had probably been feeling very creative when he thought that name up. Anyhow, those lucky people sat around in the vaults’ rooms, twiddling their thumbs and having all sorts of interesting conversations such as: “Nice background radiation today…”, and “I hear there’s a 40% chance of fallout today.” Suffice it to say that general celebration and happy days ensued when the all clear started beeping. Which brings us to another story…

…In a vault that had had no numerical designation (the builders ran out of paint), some time after the Big War Of Great Explosions And General Hullabaloo, a light blinked on a console. Technicians were staring at it asking each other what was going on. After getting half the colony in uproar about a power generator implosion (trust me, you don’t want to be close when it happens), one technician remembered that it meant everybody could go outside to fry their brains out with radiation. He was shot for taking so long to remember, and the vault’s inhabitants went — no, stampeded — outside and fried themselves with radiation. Unfortunately for them, the government had failed to send them a copy of “Leaving The Vault”. Instead, they had received an exceptionally large cargo of Cheesy Poofs. The government had made several such muck-ups (see Vault 13).

After everybody had finished crawled out of their respective holes, they crawled right into their respective gutters (except for those bigots in Vault City — they went straight into the bog). They established homes for themselves on top of the cities that were more or less standing, or at least lying on their sides (now that’s something interesting to see). All sorts of interesting and fun places such as New Reno and The Boneyard became inhabited by all sorts of interesting and fun people such as drug dealers, prostitutes, brain-damaged boxers, and so forth.

One of these interesting (give or take) people was Dongo Weener. Sad choice of name aside, he was one of the inhabitants of the wastes, rough ‘n’ ready and all that nonsense. We shall now commence following his story as he sets out to change the future of the wastes… well, maybe not, but he’s sure as hell going to do something interesting!